My hands are full
For 7 ½ years - 2737 days - 65700 hours, I have had an infant in my house. No, I do not mean a child that would not grow up! Just a series of infants overlapping each other in the infancy state. I have had someone in diapers (sometimes two someones) for 7 years. I have had someone potty training for 4 years. I have buckled approximately 340,000,000 car seat buckles. Wiped bottoms, cleaned up throw up, patched up skinned knees, carried small bodies around, rocked babies to sleep. It has been without pause for 7 glorious years. How did this happen? I have four children all under the age of 8. Evan is 7 ½, Erin 5 ½, Ryan 3, and Reagan 14 months old. There is almost exactly a 2 year split between my first two; 2 ½ years between 2 and 3, and slightly less than 2 years between the babies. They form their own little cohorts which I love.
From even before we got married, I knew I wanted 4 children. My husband maybe not so much! He comes from a family of 6 children; I come from a family of 2. Maybe you always look to skew the other way! After my first child was born, I asked his mother how she decided to have six kids. She said, “I just knew they weren’t all here until Melissa was born.” I loved that sentiment and I felt exactly the same way until our youngest was born. I just knew they weren’t all here. My husband came to that same realization in his heart, but maybe not in his mind and body! As he says, “I’m tired!” But God had a plan for us and had these children waiting.
What I get asked a lot (especially by people expecting another child) is if it truly gets easier. You hear it all the time: One and two were difficult adjustments, but after that you hardly notice another one. Oh, I notice!! But there is some truth to that. Some things are easier with multiple children. Having your first child is a huge earth-turning, life-upheaving event. You have to get used to not just jetting off for vacation, you have to pack like you’re moving to go to the grocery store, you have to plan around this other life. But you can still basically wag one child along with you wherever you go. We are night owls so my son typically went to bed around 10:00 as an infant and slept to 10:00 am. Glorious! Then the second child comes and I would argue this is almost just as overwhelming of an adjustment. Especially if they’re close in age. The difficulty here is now you have a toddler used to your undivided attention and still needing a lot of care and attention and you have a baby needing to be rocked and nursed and cared for. And forget those wonderful daytime naps for mommy! But baby three and four don’t really change things a lot. It’s just more people to keep up with, and they outnumber you! But they play together, entertain each other, help each other. Plus if your oldest is big enough then you really get a lot of help!
Childcare is another area that’s difficult too. I always worried about leaving my infants with sitters. Babies can be tough sometimes. They can get to crying and not stop and nothing you do works. I know it’s hard on a mom so how can a sitter survive?! And as we had more and more children, finding good, reliable childcare became more difficult. I am blessed with two sets of grandparents in town, but after awhile, you can’t even leave them for long with grandparents. I mean, 4 kids is a lot for someone over 60! And it’s really just not nice to leave them for very long! This is why I opened SeekingSitters here in Lubbock because childcare for 4 kids was tough!
But big families have their joys too. As we watch the baby grow, we all get to enjoy each new phase. Today I was getting snacks for the kids and asked if they wanted Sonic or hotdogs. Erin yelled out, “Hot dogs!” and Evan “Sonic!” and then Reagan (14 months) yelled, “Hot dogs!” We all laughed and laughed. I can’t wait until their big enough for board games like Clue and Yahtzee. We have our own teams for games! And I hope they will always be there to support each other and to grow up close and connected. So, big family or small, I’m sure there are challenges. Sometimes I get tired of people staring at me in the grocery store like I’m crazy or telling me I “have my hands full.” But most of the time I just smile. I do have my hands full: full of joy, full of love, full of small pudgy hands that I will never let go of.
Julie Bates
